birth story

this is long, but i wanted to be detailed, i remember very little from lilys birth and i wanted to write down as much as i could before i forgot.

i spent my whole due date (10/18) walking. zoo, apple orchard, even just around my house. the contractions had clearly changed to productive ones, and it was just a matter of laboring as much as possible at home before having my baby.

around 1am we decided it was time to go to the hospital. each contraction was intense enough that i had to stop walking or talking and had to really quiet down and focus on breathing and getting through the pain.

we checked into triage, i was 4cm. i believe they said i was fully effaced or something also Hallelujah! after a full week of contractions every 5 minutes, spending each night medicated to sleep through them, FINALLY! they called my doctor and i was told she would arrive closer to delivery. totally fine, i was depending on dave for labor support, we had opted not to hire a doula because dave was pretty amazing support the first time around, and i certainly didnt expect my ob to hold my hand and rub my back through each contraction.

2 am they checked me into a room. i knew i had to get an iv because i tested positive for Group B Strep. this is problematic because i knew needed to get in the tub to work through the pain of the contractions, and also i have like seriously no veins. after my labor nurse took a look at my veins, she called in the nurse who was supposed to be fantastic at placing iv's. I'm sure shes fantastic, but after numerous slaps and pokes and rubbing she couldnt get one placed. they wrapped my arms in hot towels and blankets to get my veins to pop up or something. this took forever. i was in pain and i was having trouble keeping myself composed and sitting still (i was still hooked up to monitors and had my arms wrapped in towels at this point. it was infuriating to sit still).

finally they got the iv placed, had enough baseline monitoring, etc and i was able to get out of bed. i received my iv dose in the tub and then they were able to shut it off and take away the iv stand thing, but i had to keep the iv placed just in case i needed it again, i HATED that iv. it was placed on the inside of my wrist and seriously bothered me all the way through labor. here i started to feel like i was really in active labor. it was probably 3am i was having a ton of lower back pain that i didnt remember from lily. i was really quiet, i remember hearing the drip from the faucet into the tub. at this point in my labor with lily i was screaming crazy primal sounding screams to get through each contraction. this time i was focusing really intensely on trying to remember what the pain was doing... trying to take some joy and comfort from each contraction because it was moving the baby down/causing cervical change/etc. I was so thankful that the tubs at st. marys are big enough to sit cross legged and be immersed all the way up to my armpits.

around 4 am i asked dave to tell the resident that i wanted to have a cervical check. i felt that if i wasnt making good progress i needed to get out of the tub (sad!) but that i would also need some pain medication to get through the back pain i was having. amazingly, i had progressed from 4cm to 8cm in about 2 hours. the resident said he was going to go call my doctor and get her in quickly! i felt so encouraged.

i chose to get out of the tub, and my labor nurse (who was so sweet and so supportive and great!) suggested i use the big exercise ball/birth ball thing. i didnt find it helpful with lily so i was really cranky about it, but i tried it and HOORAY! i could feel progress with each contraction. i felt a lot of back pain, but also my hips were feeling a lot of pressure, i began having some involuntary pushing at the end of each contraction and here is where i started having to moan/groan/yell through contractions. My doctor arrived, she wanted to check me. I was PISSED i had to get onto the bed and then back off of it again. let me tell you, moving around while contracting=not fun. i begged her to take out the iv, i couldnt stand it anymore, it was bothering me more than the contractions! she did take it out, thankfully, i dont know how i would have pushed with it in, i couldn't use that arm at all because it was so awkward and painful. i was almost fully dilated, (at this point i had a wave of panic remembering lilys labor, where i pushed for almost 2 hours during which i wasnt evenly dilated and therefore progressing at all doing all that pushing. it was exhausting and so defeating when they finally explained what was happening and that all that work was for nothing) i got back on the birth ball to try to keep things going. pain got worse, yelling got louder, had a few "i'm scared" and "i can't do this" moments with dave.

a little before 6am my doctor asked me to get into bed to push. i had no idea i was ready for that. i had been trying to prepare myself for hours more of that pain. i knew i was progressing quickly, but i was so much more aware of what was going on still (during lilys labor i was in a weird exhausted labor trance for a lot of it) so i got into the bed, they checked me and i was "complete" and ready to push when i felt like it. I had already been sort of spastically pushing out through the end of each contraction on the birth ball, so it wasnt really my choice, it was just happening. also, i was 10 cm, and my water STILL hadnt broken, so they broke it for me, at that point just to minimize the tidal wave that would inevitably happen when baby came out. i started pushing. i had asked for a lot of guidance during pushing because i tore badly with lily. my doctor, my labor nurse and the resident all helped me stay really in control of the pushing.

i couldnt believe how fast it was going. after what i remember being about 3 serious pushes, he was crowning. his head was out. here is where things got really painful. this kid had the shoulders of a linebacker. one thing you dont want to hear from someone staring at your vagina while you feel like you are being torn open is something basically along the line of "wow, and his other shoulder still has to fit through" Ugh. In that moment there was a lot of guidance in order to avoid tearing, slow pushing, little grunts, i dont know, i tried to listen, but i needed to push hard. it was excrutiating. and then, 6:24am, he was out. SO MUCH LIQUID. i dont think anyone can ever explain the feeling of relief when the baby and ALL THAT PRESSURE come out. instantly everything in the whole world was ok, because it didnt hurt anymore. hooray. i tore, but not as badly as with lily and even 4 days later its not bad. hopefully everything heals well and i dont go through what i did the first time around.

they put charlie on my chest and he is amazing. he took big (slightly raspy) breaths and made some little noises so we werent panicking like with lily who was silent and slightly blue. after a few seconds we all started talking about how big he was. lily was two weeks late and still only weighed in as 7lb 9oz, so at only one day overdue we were expecting a little guy. it occured to all of us, he was not a little guy. i wanted to hold him but i got really curious about how big he was. 9lb 15oz and 21 inches long. HUGE!

my total labor in the hospital room was 4 hours 24 minutes. i'm still in shock. how is that possible!?

20 minutes after delivery

baby!

big sister