I have read a lot of information on the tiny screen of my iphone, nursing charlie back to sleep at 2, 3, 4am. At some point, after hours of googling "infant, must be touching mom 24/7" or "infant, no self soothe skills", I read an analogy that stuck and comforted me in my tired and hopeless state.
Something about new souls. New, empty little wonderful souls that we get to fill. The idea would be to fill this little soul with love, comfort, respect & trust. Obviously when they are new, empty little vessels, you've got to just pour that love in, and get very little back. They are empty, after all. But soon they start to fill and find their own footing and need less and less from you and grow up to be amazing super balanced genius people and cure cancer and find a way to create world peace and sustain life on other planets.. or..well.. I read it at 2am, I may be remembering it wrong.
But it helped me because it's not that I couldn't handle that particular night-feeding, or that he needed to be worn in a carrier for 8-12 hours a day. It's not that he screamed unrelentingly if he was unhappy, or that I didn't seem to know how to help. It's that I could't see an end in sight, and I wasn't sure how much more I had to give. For some reason, thinking of his empty little soul really helped. (also made me wonder about reincarnation-Lily came with a prefilled soul!)
Anyway. I think it took one year. Im calling it: As of Charlie's first birthday, this kid has been bouncing back the love. His cup overfloweth. He is loving life, he's engaged in the world around him, he's funny and smart and sensitive. He's independent in exploring and playing, and he is truly a joy. I'm not the only one who's noticed. He's turning into an awesome little man.
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